I'm So Tired.

If you haven't noticed I haven't written a blog for a couple days. There's a few reasons for that. #1 I have been working a ton. #2 I've been trying to spend more real authentic time with my friends and keeping off social media. Lastly, #3 I AM SOOO TIRED. One thing they don't tell you about growing up is how exhausting it is. When I was in high school I could stay up until 1 am, go to weights at 7 am, school all day and then practice till almost 7 pm... And do it all over again!! Granted while I was living at home I didn't have to cook dinner for myself, do laundry, clean the house, buy groceries or work a real part time job. My Mom was really the real MVP!

But today I am so tired. Tired of all the regular "adulting things", tired of my residents at work getting sick or dying, and TIRED OF COLD WEATHER. If you know me well at all you know I am a 'stuffer'. I will "stuff" everything that runs me down; my hurt, my tiredness, my struggles. I just continue to pour from my cup to others until I am completely empty. I can assure you that I am a prime example of what you should NOT do. When I was rowing for K-State there were tons of practices where I was so mentally and physically exhausted I didn't think I could even finish a 500! However, our coaches always told us to "push through the pain". They didn't just mean push through the pain so you can finish. They would remind us to take it back to the basics. Power, Grace, technique. If you know anything about rowing you know these are three important concepts. Even though I don't row anymore I try to take these words into my everyday life.

When I am getting tired and run down I try to remind myself to take it back to the basics. When I come to work and find out one of my residents is sick or passed away I say a prayer for them. I show a little extra love, patience and kindness to the residents we still have and my co-workers during the rest of my shift. My job has caused me so much heartbreak, but it has also shown me true love and humbled me immensely. When I get home and my house is a wreck, I calm myself and diligently get to work. Complaining about how tired I am and just going through the motions will not get me anywhere.

Another thing that has helped me is reading and praying. No matter how long my day was I try to get a word with God in. Our mental health suffers when we hold things in, and who better to talk to than the big man himself. The point of this blog is even in your tiredness seek beauty, kindness, Grace, and Love. We're all a little tired, but we should do more than just tell ourselves we need to "make it through the day", everyday! I want to start living! We need rest so that we can truly feel alive.

Put a face mask on, pour a glass of wine and take a bath. You deserve it darling.

-B